How will it be
to lie in the sky
without roof or door
and wind for an eye
- Mary Swenson, "Question"
Every so often, something happens that makes me realize my soul is so dependent upon this body. I believe, perhaps naively so, that if the soul is strong it will survive after death. How, I can only guess. I've pondered an existence floating around my loved ones as a ghost, finding myself in another body and another lifetime, even finding myself in my own version of heaven. Because how could heaven be heaven if it is the same for everybody?
When I was young I believed that when you die, you had to watch a video of your life and tell God whether or not you deserved to go to heaven. My plan at that point was to tell God I was unworthy and be let in due to my display of humility. As an adult, I believe in a power greater than myself, but I do not call it God. I call it life. I believe in the energy of an infinite number of souls, a universe of living things that may or may not be sentient. I believe that if the soul is strong enough, it will find a way to survive outside of this body. I believe to be a strong soul, the greatest thing you can do is to simply be yourself. I believe in sacrificing comfort for commitment to the vision you have for your life. I believe in sacrificing convenience for love. I believe in looking for work that you love rather than settling for a 9-5 job because it pays the bills. I believe in thought, in creativity, in a thirst for knowledge.
Are those things dependent upon this body breathing? Upon this heart beating, upon blood flowing through these veins? Am I still myself if my fingers cannot type, if my legs cannot move, if my eyes do not see? Am I still me if all this body can do is breathe?
