Perchance to Dream

A friend once told me that I was lucky I have a dream, something to which I can aspire. It's a heady thing, desire. A lifestyle, a person, a career...it is all too easy to waste a lifetime dreaming of things that may never be. So how do you know when a dream is just that or when it's something worth pursuing?

My therapist tells me that what I dream is worth the longing, the pain that comes with wanting something I do not have. She's right, it is. Writing is more than something I like to do. It's all I've ever wanted. It's a part of who I am. I live inside of my stories - at times, to my detriment. It would be impossible to create characters who truly live without doing so. I don't know if other writers write like this, but for me the two are irrevocably intertwined. I don't have an idea and write it. I see my stories in my head and I try to find the words to describe what I've seen.

I think of a writer as the introvert to an actor's extrovert. Opposites of the same coin. We both put ourselves into other people, other stories. As a writer, I create stories and place them out in the world. I hope they will survive. I hope that somebody will find them, love them and nurture them. A great actor brings his/her character to life. It feels a little like looking for your other half - looking for the person who will take the character I've created and bring him to life. Maybe it's a little like love, this dream. As I look for my other half, my characters look for their other halves - the ones who will bring them to life on the screen.

Life would be so much easier without all of this desire but we're not just the sum of our experiences, we're the sum of our hopes and dreams as well. The things to which we aspire give us drive, make us alive - and aye, there's the rub.